Gotta look out for #1

 ...I really should've put an alarm on my calendar. Whoops. Ah well, live and learn.

I have been dealing with...things, lately. Mainly, the idea that no one will look out for you if you don't.

And I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm not saying that everyone is out to get you, or that you have to constantly be on guard, just...you know yourself best. The people around you aren't psychic, they're just making their best guess. And unless you're telling them what you need, they're gonna get something wrong.

So, couple of different conclusions I've come to. 1) You can be too understanding, and 2) Communication is key.

1) I've been working somewhere, in what was supposed to be a new career for me. A small business, moving to a new location and needing new people. Then, there were some problems and I was asked to come down early. It would be a bit of an intermediary situation, as the business was still in the process of moving, so it wouldn't be as much pay and benefits wouldn't be set up yet. Now we're 9 months in and it's the same pay and the benefits are either not coming or not ready yet. And, yes, some of that is due to corona, but it's not the main reason. And I've been quiet about it because of this other reason. I've been understanding. And now I've been down here 9 months and I'm running out of savings and I'm not making enough to get my own place so I'm still in my "temporary" housing and I'm not sure if they really think this is ok or if it should have been fixed ages ago but because I didn't say anything no one realized? And now I'm stuck trying to figure out how to say hey this is not what I was told it would be wtf without casting blame. And these are people I'm close to, so I know they aren't meaning to screw me over...but I'm still getting screwed. Because I put a higher emphasis on being understanding than on taking care of myself.

2) My housing situation is likewise...strained. The plan was to be here for like 2 months to get settled, but then I came down about 4 months early. I figured they realized that giving up on 4 months of higher pay with benefits (and, since I was staying at my dad's house, no rent) also meant giving up on 4 months of savings for this move and new life setting-up. And, since I hadn't had time to search for housing, I was really counting on their word that there would be things in my price range for me. And then I get down here, and...there isn't. I'm not making a lot of money, so sticking to the 1/3 or less of your monthly pay in rent is even more critical. I have a large, unpersonable, fluffy dog. I don't want a roommate, and I don't know anyone down here to live with. The cheapest apartment I've found is a studio for half my monthly pay, and I'd have to lie about/hide my dog. I'm not in a position to buy a house, and even if I was about the only things that would be in my price range are either in retirement communities or in mobile home parks where the lot rent puts it out of my reach. So, again, not a deliberate screwing over, but here I am stuck nonetheless. 

There's more thought behind this, but those are kind of the main points. Now I have to like, man up and have some hard conversations and, annoyingly, I'm gonna have to be the one to make it non-confrontational. But, I'm the one who has to make sure I'm taken care of so I need as much information on my situation as I can get, and you don't get good information when emotions are high. The realization that the people involved are not looking after me as much as I've been trying to look after them came...suddenly, and under extreme circumstances and things have been tense. I've been very much out of my element with all this, as I am not terribly emotional on the whole, and I'm trying to get back to my inner Spock to deal with everything.

To sum up: be sure enough in yourself to know what you need, be confident enough to say whether you're getting what you need, and be secure enough in your circumstance to feel comfortable speaking frankly. If you aren't sure, confident, or comfortable, change things until you are. And that goes for any situation, not just work. If you find yourself being accommodating to your detriment, that's not compromise. It's not unfixable, but it's not ok to leave it that way. If you want to have control of your life, you have to take the responsibility that comes with it.

And now I'm going to quit because I'm just rambling. I'm still solidifying my own thoughts so that makes sense at least.