Thinking about the future is hard

 Clearly I am just the best at remembering things.

And that's kinda the theme for today. I am very much an in-the-moment kind of person. I had to be reminded every day to do chores when I was a kid, and my mom always said "How can you forget, you need to do it every day!" But I never thought of it that way. The only time I've done maintenance cleaning is in restaurants, but that's because restaurants are filthy and they absolutely need to be cleaned daily. I've always had trouble building habits because I legitimately do not remember that I am trying to build a habit. I've only ever been able to build habits due to outside reinforcements. Then again, pretty much as soon as those reinforcements are gone, so is the habit.

I'm also one of those people who's nearly always been slightly above average at most things I've tried, combined with having a good idea of where my skills lie and using that to pick my battles carefully. Therefore, I have no idea how to practice. Like, at all. Or, more correctly, I don't really feel the need to perfect anything. Baking, for example. I don't do recipes, and that works for me. But, if I find something that works, I'll wait til the next time I feel like making it to improve. And by then, I might have a similar-but-different idea that doesn't necessarily use the same things I wanted to fix. The only thing I've "perfected" is an eggnog recipe, and the reason it's been perfected is because my dad and I made it a project for like 5 Christmases. Again, outside reinforcements. That's part of why I did so badly in college. I never do homework. I go to class and do great, I go to labs and do great, I test very well...and just can't remember to do homework. Even though it's an every day thing. 

So that bit of background brings us to the point of this post: now I'm having to plan for the future and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm having to get information and apply it long term. I'm having to remind myself daily to do things that have very little effect in the short term but will set me up later. It's really really hard. I might need to write myself a daily to-do list. Actually, I might do that. I remember things I've written down pretty well, so maybe that would actually help. I'm flying blind and flapping my arms furiously hoping to at least slow the descent. The people in my life are either the same way but more settled in their lives or they don't really understand what my problem is and can't really give me any advice that's helpful. Behavioral therapy is probably the solution but I'm poor and also I don't want to waste time having the shrink tell me what I already know haha. I don't know. Probably just need to suck it up and do it.

To sum up: It's always better to right yourself before you're drowning, but if you're already drowning for god's sake do something. There's several ways to try and orient yourself; pick one, then all you gotta do is paddle.